Christians aren’t very good at dating. There have been plenty of Christian dating books and articles, and all of them have addressed the fact that there is a problem with the way we view dating, but none of them have really gotten to the root of the problem.
Ultimately, I think there are two reasons why the way we date doesn’t really work too well.
1. We either take dating too lightly, by simply dating someone to have fun or to fit in: in doing this we don’t even treat dating as a gateway to marriage – we hardly ever even consider marriage as an option.
2. Or we over-spiritualize and/or over-romanticize dating: in doing this we think that somehow “the one” is out there waiting for us – as if God designed a soul mate specifically for us.
Both of which are destructive.
I don’t think that the answer to either of these problems are as black and white as we like to think they are, or that they can be fixed as easily as we think they can be. These problems can’t be fixed with strategies and formulas, that is what makes them tough.
I do think that if we get to the root of these problems that they will be much easier to fix. Most dating books and articles talk about the actions that take place within dating, they talk about how to date. I don’t think the answers we’re looking for will be found in behavior modification – we have to dig deeper than that. We have to find our motive and intention behind wanting to date someone, we have to find the reason for which we date someone.
I think focusing on the root of the problem rather than the surface of the problem is universally effective, yet we don’t apply this logic to dating.
This is why I wrote Dear Guys: A New Way To Date. It’s not your typical Christian dating book. It’s not a book telling you when to date, or how to date, it’s all about why we date – because when we figure out the why, it will change the when and the how.